It’s the middle of June and I can’t believe that by the end of this month I’ll officially be in my third trimester! I’m technically in my sixth month of pregnancy and this is the first month where my body started to really, really change. Deetz is growing bigger every week and my organs are feeling more and more squished. Last night after dinner, I took the opportunity to show my Greek husband the gif of what happens to your organs when you are pregnant. He was appropriately grossed out and enthralled.
My second trimester has been a breeze and the thing I’ve been loving the most this month is how much Deetz is moving around! Though, to be fair, it also makes me pretty queasy. She likes to somersault around a lot early in the morning and right before I go to bed – but yesterday she started kicking up a storm after work when I got into the car with my Greek husband and he started talking to me. Pretty darn cute.
We’ve been making an effort to talk to her more – my Greek husband makes sure to tell her good night each night before I pass out – and I’ve been playing more and more records on the weekends of music that is comforting and will hopefully be familiar to her once she arrives. On my end this means a lot of Kacey Musgraves and on my Greek husband’s side it means a lot of Black Sabbath.
This month I’ve been really relieved to be part of a mom group. My friend invited me to a Facebook group of moms when I announced I was pregnant, and it’s honestly been a lifesaver for me.
Until I got pregnant, I didn’t realize how much misogynistic snark was directed at pregnant women… by other women.
You might be thinking – whoa, wait, what? Isn’t this just supposed to be a light blog post about your pregnancy? And yeah, it is. But the last month or so I’ve become aware of more and more comments that women make to pregnant women and mothers that are meant to be “snarky” but in fact are just rude.
I see women who “hate” children shame new mothers for the way they are handling the adjustment to motherhood.
I see women loudly judge overwhelmed mothers who bring their children out in public.
I see women become catty towards pregnant women for talking about their symptoms and side effects.
It’s important to remember that not every pregnant woman or mother has a support system – and even if they do, they still deserve empathy and understanding. Consider that:
When you shame that pregnant woman for complaining about her back pain, saying she “knew what she was getting into,” you’re telling her that her feelings aren’t valid, and that she doesn’t have a safe space to share the crazy experience that she’s in the midst of. (Seriously, did you see the gif I linked above? Pregnancy is c r a z y.)
When you sneer and sigh and make under your breath comments about how kids shouldn’t be allowed in certain spaces, that overwhelmed mother hears you and it makes her more closed off, more terrified to go out in public.
When you scoff that you can’t believe that new mother isn’t breastfeeding, when you yourself have no plans to ever have children, you’re shaming another woman for the choices she’s made with her body.
This is why I’m so thankful for my mom group. The unwavering support that I’ve witnessed is truly remarkable – and the women in my group serve as a reminder of the type of woman I want to be for my daughter. I want to be someone who leads with empathy, who is strong and who doesn’t let others’ opinions belittle her. Sure, I know that I have years upon years ahead of me that will be filled with unwanted opinions and advice – from strangers, from friends, from family – but knowing I’ve got that support system? That makes those moments where I want to pull my hair out a little more bearable.